The Best Compliments I’ve Ever Received (That Weren’t About My Looks)

Everyone loves a compliment, amirite? (Well maybe not everyone, I think half the British population squirms at the mere thought of one…)

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about compliments after receiving an especially lovely one from our dogsitter (which I’ll describe in this post). Compliments about our appearance are lovely, there’s no doubt about that. I’ve been blogging long enough to know that it’s a true ego boost when someone says they like your outfit/the colour of your hair/your new earrings.

That said, I’ve seen a lot of comments/articles/discussions lately that discuss how our worth does not equal our appearance. And while that’s a topic for further discussion another time, it has got me thinking about the complimenting part of that equation. For me, it goes hand-in-hand with the whole “You never know what someone is going through” concept, and often someone’s physical size can be due to unhappy reasons, and commending someone on their weight loss has, till recently, generally been considered as a compliment (by the giver, at least).

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I have first-hand experience of this: I lost a scary amount of weight many years ago, and as I was already blogging (and therefore continuing to share photos of myself online), the compliments started about my super-skinnyness. However, the reasons for my weight loss were not happy ones. I wasn’t trying to lose weight and I wasn’t discussing any sort of “weight loss journey” on my platforms. “Compliments” about it – at the time – were… uncomfortable at best, inconsiderate at worst.

 

Let’s give more worthy compliments

I’m now more conscious of the fact that other compliments are much more welcome than those about appearance. Of course I won’t ever cease entirely with compliments about someone’s new haircut/colour or if I’m asked outright for my thoughts on an outfit, or something similar. When someone has made a conscious decision to wear something fabulous, colour their hair a new shade or choose a statement pair of earrings, it’s still nice to say that you appreciate their effort and think they look good. I don’t want to stop doing that.

But what I REALLY love is the idea of us becoming more aware of the type of compliments we give, i.e. ones that aren’t solely about someone’s looks. Complimenting someone on their skills, their attitude, their achievements or their personality is especially thoughtful – I also think it’s vital for kids to receive these types of compliments. Kids who grow up knowing that their worth isn’t linked to their physical beauty will, I’m sure, end up with higher self-esteem and appreciate the right people in life – those that we should be surrounding ourselves with.

 

We must stop linking our looks to worthiness

As so beautifully put by coach and author Kari Dahlgren:

Physical compliments are a manifestation of an image-centric society, and if we can train ourselves to look for non-physical compliments instead, it will help train the brain to slowly stop linking looks and worthiness together. It’s not the entire answer, but it’s a step in the right direction.

So the lovely compliment from my dogsitter (which was not about my looks) made me think about all the other compliments I’ve ever received. And would you believe it, the compliments that have stuck with me over the years happen to be the ones that weren’t about my appearance.

I just want to reiterate: I’m not saying we should cease giving compliments about someone’s outfits/accessories/hairstyle, etc. But we need to stop putting emphasis on appearance (weight loss especially), and think MORE about compliments that praise someone’s character or behaviour.

So here they are, my favourite compliments…

 

The best compliments I’ve ever received (that weren’t about my looks)

 

My dogsitter about my dog parenting

“She’s so lucky to have you and Keith”

This one really got me in the feels, because we adopted our greyhound Suki almost five years ago and she is, effectively, our child (we don’t have human kids). I make no apologies for the fact that we treat her like a member of the family and consider her our “daughter” – doggy owners will get it…!

Our dogsitter (I’ll call her Susan) knew Suki back when she was still at the rescue centre as she was a volunteer who regularly walked her. Suki adores Susan, hence us asking her to be our official dogsitter when we need one.

Before she came to live with us, Suki had already been returned by one family because she and their dog didn’t get on – she should have gone somewhere where she could be the only dog in the home and have a quiet life without kids. She’d therefore been at the centre for well over a year after being returned by the other family 🙁 . So the day that Susan said to us that she thought we were wonderful parents and that “She’s so lucky to have you and Keith, she was a bit of a lost soul at [the rescue centre]”, it made me SO proud and, I will admit, more than a bit emotional. It really was the best compliment anyone could give us as “pawrents” – and I have never forgotten it.

 

My elderly mum about the help I [we] give her

“What would I do without you”

I’ve started writing more about having elderly parents and how it can be a huge strain on the family caregivers: emotionally, mentally and physically. My family members and I (that includes Keith) all do so much in the way of everyday errands for my parents (mostly for my mum, the carers tend to do most of what my dad needs as he has advanced dementia.) So online purchases, grocery shopping, collecting prescriptions, showing her how to use the DVD player or Netflix, booking and cancelling eye test/hair/podiatry appointments, taking her to doctor or hospital appointments, comparing house insurance prices, finding a carpenter or plumber, filing paperwork… the list goes on and on.

One day a few months ago – after I’d run several errands and yo-yoed between the doctor’s surgery, the supermarket, the high street and the pharmacy – I was on my way out the door when she gave me the biggest hug (my mum is TINY now, like, 4’10″/147cm so I tower over her) and lingered just a little longer than normal. She was also a bit emotional, and as I went to leave she said sadly, “What would I do without you…?” – which wasn’t just about me but about all of us, the “You” being plural.

We don’t do any of it out of obligation, we do it out of love and because we care. But that simple, rhetorical question was a fully-loaded, unintentional compliment, and I will admit I shed a tear as I drove away. It meant a lot.

 

The brand director on a video shoot I was involved with

“You were so good, the advert is going to be great”

This compliment threw me sideways as I honestly thought I hadn’t been any good and wasn’t what the brand was looking for. The context:

Back in 2019 I filmed my first TV advert for L’Oréal (and yes, I said “first” because =pinch me= there was a second), a hair colourant advert for Olia by Garnier. I’ve talked before about the imposter syndrome I felt at the time. It was an enormous production with probably hundreds of staff (many adverts for many European countries were being filmed at the same time so we were in a huge studio in Prague, Czech Republic), and I felt 100% out of my depth… all my self-confidence had been left behind at the airport. As I discussed in that blog post, however, everyone was incredibly nice and supportive; I was just battling with my own insecurities.

The shoot went on over a few days – I had a talking-to-camera piece to film as well as a photoshoot – and we finally wrapped up my part of the filming. I wasn’t flying back till the next morning, so I was saying my goodbyes and thanking everyone involved for taking such good care of me and being so lovely before getting the car back to my hotel.

As I was about to leave, the L’Oréal brand director (I think that was his title, something like that anyway) who was a very suave, well-dressed gent, came up to me (me!) and told me, “You were so good, the advert is going to be great” – and I was SO shocked I almost didn’t know what to say. I’d been so preoccupied with my low self-esteem due to my insecurities about my weight gain (and wanting to just get through the shoot without completely f*cking up!) that it hadn’t occurred to me that I’d performed well. As I was feeling a bit on the heavier side and a bit “middle-aged” for the first time in my life, being surrounded by pencil-thin French executives dressed all in black with red lipstick and perfect bobs really made me think I’d bombed it.

As it was, it was the opposite. I was truly taken aback by his compliment, and I felt SO much better when I got home, feeling like I’d actually done a good job. And you could say the proof was in the pudding, because instead of an advert featuring me and two other girls, they made two ads in the end: one featuring the other two and the other featuring JUST ME. So that compliment must have been true and not just something he says to everyone, and yes I did have a pinch-me moment when the advert finally showed up on TV…!

 

A friend of a friend about my GSOH

“You honestly have the best sense of humour, I love how funny you are”

At a bar many years ago I was introduced to a (male) friend of a friend and we found out we had something in common (I can’t remember what it was, it was that long ago), so we were chatting for a bit about our shared interest. He was very easy to talk to and although he was really nice, I was in a relationship at the time so wasn’t thinking AT ALL about whether it was going somewhere. So maybe he was chatting me up a bit (I did get the feeling he was, at first at least – maybe someone told him at an opportune moment I was already spoken for), but at one point we were having a bit of a giggle about something and he stopped and said, “You honestly have the best sense of humour, I love how funny you are,” and that really stuck with me.

I’ve never considered myself a funny person – I’d like to think I have a GSOH but in a “find things funny” sense, not in a “make others laugh on purpose” sense. So YES, maybe that compliment came from a person who was interested in me (and therefore trying to flatter me), but still, if he’d thought I had zero sense of humour then I’m sure he wouldn’t have complimented me on that. I may not remember the guy’s name or even what he really looked like (sorry, nice chatty friend of a friend), but I DID remember the compliment.

 

My sister on my driving skills (in a near-miss)

[To my husband] “You should have seen how she drove, talk about skills”

This was a couple of years ago, and it was probably the nearest I’ve come to being in a major crash (not at all my fault). I was driving with my sister and parents in the car; we were coming back from visiting my uncle who’d been ill. We were driving on a narrow, straight “A” road: single lanes both ways, 50mph limit, traffic average on my side but heavy and slow-moving on the other.

To explain my driving style: Without wanting to toot my own horn I’d like to describe myself as a careful, experienced driver (I passed my test at 17). I’m always conscious of having passengers and not driving in a way that might scare them. I try not to speed (I’ll get there eventually…), I don’t tailgate, I always expect other drivers to do stupid things so I stay alert, that’s my general attitude.

Long story short: out of NOWHERE, a stationary car in the queue on the other side decided to suddenly turn right (across my lane) to enter the petrol station on my left – they got halfway across my lane and then stopped as they realised I was probably going to hit them. In order to avoid crashing into them, I swerved left and up the grassy bank/pavement that ran alongside the petrol station, quickly righting the car so that I drove along the pavement before coming back onto the main road, not hitting anyone or anything. I’d only done it because in the split second I had to make a decision about how to react, I could see no one was walking along there (thank GOD). Otherwise I probably would have just slammed on the brakes and skidded into them (and who knows who/what else).

It happened WAY too fast for anyone in the car to shout Watch out! or any sort of warning (as it was I was fully concentrating on the road anyway). All I heard was a collective sharp intake of breath, and I may or may not have shouted SHITTTT!! rather loudly. (I was just thankful I didn’t shout F*CK because I’m always mortified if I accidentally say that in front of my mum 😉 )

Anyhow – in recounting the story to Keith when we got home, my sister said to him, “Oh my god you should have seen how she avoided crashing, talk about skills?!” – and yeah, I felt good about having “saved” my family in what could have been a pretty horrific head-on collision. She was SO impressed and I really appreciated how she bigged me up… I’m still the little sister and stuff like that sounds great coming from an older sibling: it doesn’t matter HOW old you are.

 

My many readers on my encouraging them to wear what they like

“You inspired me to wear what I want”

This is what you might call a “faculty of compliments” (yes, I just made up that collective noun) that have all been directed towards me in slightly different ways, but about roughly the same thing. Newer readers may not know that this blog was originally a (mostly) fashion blog – or rather a personal style blog – and I’d publish two or three outfits as a blog post each week. It was just me and my blog plus my outfits. I wasn’t giving any advice in terms of what to wear, but I discussed the attitude with which to wear clothes, i.e. wearing what you want, how you want.

I came up with the hashtag #IWillWearWhatILike – at the time of writing, an amazing 54,548 posts have been tagged with it on Instagram (it does what it says on the tin).

I’ve never sought anyone’s permission for what to wear or wondered whether I “should” be wearing a particular outfit/item of clothing. Over the years I’ve had many emails and comments from my readers and followers to say thank you for giving them “permission” to wear whatever they wanted, and for being an encouraging voice in a room full of criticism towards older women.

So whenever I get a message that tells me “You inspired me to wear whatever I want” or similar, I take it as a MASSIVE compliment. It honestly doesn’t get any better than that.

 

✷  ✷  ✷  ✷  ✷

 

Examples of non-physical compliments

I thought I’d include a few articles I found about the same sort of topic, all featuring lists/examples of compliments that aren’t geared around appearances. Hope they give you some inspiration… I’ve included some of my favourites that you might like too!

 

Non-Physical Compliments: 35 Ways to Make Someone Feel Good Without Focusing on Looks by Kari Dahlgren (whom I quoted above)… I especially loved:

“Your energy is so uplifting; it brightens my day the moment I see you”

“I really admire the way you handle tough situations”

 

99 Unique Compliments That Aren’t About Appearance by The Good Trade… I especially loved:

“I admire your bravery to speak up about things that matter to you”

“You are a wonderful listener. I always feel understood by you”

 

6 Compliments That Land Every Time by TIME… I especially loved:

“I love the way you bring out the best in people”

“You handled that situation so well”

 

– I’d be so happy to receive any ONE of those compliments above – they’re all spot on. So here’s to giving more compliments, and to receiving them with grace and thanks as well! And to you, my lovely readers: THANK YOU for being here and for making my day by reading, writing comments and engaging. Without your presence, my blog would feel a bit dead… YOU are what makes it come alive! Happy Friday 😀

Your turn – what are the best compliments you’ve ever received? Tell us in the comments!

Thanks for reading,

Linking up to… Inspire Me Monday, My Glittery Heart, On Mondays We Link Up || Tuesday: Confident Twosday, Happy Now Blog Link Up || Wednesday: WowOnWednesday ||  Friday: Fancy Friday, On the Edge