6 Fantasy Jobs I Would Be Really, Really Good At

6 Fantasy Jobs I Would Be Really, Really Good At | Catherine Summers AKA Not Dressed As Lamb, Over 50 Fashion and Lifestyle Blog

I can’t be the only one who watches crime dramas and thinks, ‘I reckon I’d be really, really good at solving crimes’… can I?

There’s no shortage of true crime dramas (and documentary/docudramas) available to watch right now, so it’s hardly surprising if I’m not the only one who watches them with an egocentric sense of “I can do that, hold my beer”.

I am, of course, completely glossing over the fact that I’d have to train for many years as a police officer, work my way through the ranks, get onto the crime-solving team [can you tell I am 100% making this up based on absolutely no knowledge whatsoever] and then prove my mettle as a police detective before even THINKING about solving serious crimes.

No, I’m just watching these shows thinking that I’d be really good at that kind of stuff because I like playing Cluedo, working out how and why my snake plant ended up on the floor in the middle of the night and what stain IS that on my favourite shirt? (Maybe I shouldn’t delve too deep into that one.)

In other words, it’s a fantasy career that I think I’d be really good at. In a fantasy world. No training required. I’d just… EXCEL at it, right from the outset.

 

[Reading time: 6 mins]

 

All the fantasy jobs I’d be really, really good at

This idea of me being a really good detective inspector popped into my head during an episode of Mindhunter (or was it The Killing or maybe even Murderville, don’t laugh – or do, because it’s bloody hilarious). I then got to thinking about all the other fantasy jobs I’d a) be really, really good at, and b) really, really enjoy.

In a totally made up, impractical, I’m-not-being-serious way, of course.

I’ve come up with six jobs I could see myself doing – no training or experience required. Totally just for fun. (Coming up with them I mean, not the actual job itself… I don’t mean I would solve crime “just for fun”.)

Some are more achievable than others, some are more serious than others… I’d just love to give them a try so that I can say, I KNEW it was Professor Plum in the ballroom with the candlestick! GET in!

And in no particular order, they are…

 

Demolition operative

A what now, I hear you ask? Basically, someone who just demos houses all day. (Is there another, more accurate job description for it?) So that’s… ripping out kitchens. Pulling up carpets. Knocking down walls. There is NOTHING more that I like than destroying stuff that needs destroying (well, apart from the five other jobs, below), and I can’t tell you how much I love the satisfaction of seeing a big empty space that’s ready waiting to be remodelled.

I first got the bug when my parents retired and moved to an old Victorian property in Devon way back when I was at college. I loved stripping the wallpaper, pulling out old cupboards and sanding down woodwork. Keith and I did the same to our first home together (which probably hadn’t been decorated in 30-40 years), complete with wood-panelled walls, Christmas cake icing-style ceilings and minging psychedelic carpets.

When my parents then downsized and redid the kitchen in the smaller house, they paid the kitchen fitter to rip out the old kitchen… I was GUTTED that I didn’t get to do it (still not forgiven them for that one). Give me a sledgehammer, a claw hammer and a pair of protective glasses and I’m a happy bunny. My dream would be to operate a pneumatic drill or an excavator… can you IMAGINE how much fun that’d be?!

 

Giraffe zoo keeper

This is hardly surprising for anyone who either follows me on Instagram or has been reading the blog for a while… I am obsessed with giraffes. Obsessed. And last month I was lucky enough to go to London Zoo and do the giraffe zoo keeper experience (my family’s present to me for my 50th) and Oh. My. GOD – it was incredible. I made a reel so you see me sweeping out the yard, picking up giraffe poop (which is surprisingly dry and non-smelly) and feeding them. And loving every minute of it.

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I cried when I first saw them. I was just in absolute awe and wonder at these incredible creatures. I was in my element and could absolutely see myself doing it every day as a job… because if you love it, it won’t seem like a job, will it?

 

Vintage shop owner

Now this one came to me, I think, because one day I was charity shop shopping again and it occurred to me that I can’t fit all the stuff I see and love into my house, but I COULD fit it into a shop to sell. Go around all the charity shops and curate things especially to sell in a special vintage homewares/curio shop? Trawl through eBay and Facebook Marketplace looking for those little gems that are being sold super cheap because people just want to get rid of them? Ughhhh… I’d love it.

It would be mostly stuff from the 70s but I’d also include 1950s, 1960s and a touch of 1980s stuff too – mid-century, in other words. Mid-century modern is my favourite interiors style – with a slight bias towards the 1970s – and I’m always seeing bits and pieces that I love. I just don’t have enough room for it all in my house, so a shop selling vintage homewares is the only solution.

Only thing is, I’m not sure I’d actually be happy about letting any of it go – I’d just want it to all sit in the shop so I can look at it lovingly, lol.

Oh no madam, that coffee pot is display only I’m afraid. And that Danish teak sideboard is sold already, apologies. Same for that vase over there. And I don’t think that floral blanket would look right in your home, I’m so sorry…

 

Police detective inspector

As I already explained, I think I’d make a BRILLIANT detective inspector. Slightly awkward confession here… I’m one of those people who’s a little obsessed with serial killer crimes, but this is not a new thing for me.

I’ve been interested in serial killers – as well as true crime, ghost stories and mysteries – since I was a little kid. I have NO idea why my parents weren’t worried about me, because having a 10-year-old child with a fascination in true crime and weird goings-on is kinda weird and creepy in my eyes. They even indulged my interest in it [honestly Mum, I mean WHAT?] because I have books that I remember getting for Christmas or my birthday about crime stuff. The early 1980s was very much a time when many serial killers were on the news so I guess I was exposed to it a fair bit and for some reason developed an interest in it.

Lack of child psychology intervention aside(!), my interest in this stuff has never waned. I am so interested in the process of catching killers and crimes being solved; maybe (and this came to me recently) it’s because I’m such an empath when it comes to other people’s emotions? I see someone cry, I’ll cry in sympathy. I’ll cry at an advert or crappy made-for-TV movies if there’s even just a hint of sad in it. I’m a wreck watching any classic Disney movie because the parents always die, amirite Cinderella/Bambi/The Lion King/Tarzan?

Maybe my fascination with the macabre comes from a need to understand how someone could have so little empathy for others when I have so much? It’s the only explanation I can come up with.

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So hopefully I’ve explained away my strange interest in true crime. I therefore don’t need the training and experience required for being a detective inspector, because I’m just interested in this stuff. And I’m good at looking for clues and working out whodunnit in whodunnit movies. Plus I like using Post-Its and I’m always partial to a wall chart with red string tied between pins on the wall. What other experience is necessary?!

 

Casting director

Now the casting director idea came to me recently when I realised (when reading Amber Eve’s The Accidental Imposter) that when I read books, I immediately start thinking about all the characters in it and who I’d cast as them in a movie or TV adaptation of said book (assuming I’m reading the book before any movie is made). In fact, I even watch real-life dramas and think the same thing. Watching ‘that’ impeachment trial in 2021 I figured that house manager Jamie Raskin should be played by Stanley Tucci, Diana DeGette by Catherine Keener and Eric Swalwell by Jerry O’Connell (yes, I really was that invested in who should play whom). Rest assured, if/when the film of that trial is ever made I’ll be watching it going, Yes! I was right! I SAID Leslie Jones should be playing Stacey Plaskett…!

Basically I just LOVE thinking of the best actors to play fictitious characters. And I’m really good at it, in a totally geeky, ever-so-slightly-obsessive way. I almost can’t start a new book until I’ve worked out who’s going to play each character of the book I’ve just finished. Move over Hollywood, your new casting director – no experience needed – is in town.

 

Tour guide

You may or may not know that I used to be a teacher. Not a very good one, and not for very long (two years), but yes – I am trained to be a teacher (within adult education, meaning 16+). I therefore actually quite enjoy standing up and talking to a room full of people, masochist that I am. When I left teaching I went on to work as a staff trainer within retail, so I got to continue my love of bossing people around and somewhat being the centre of attention (my 43-year-old mother would not disagree about my 5-year-old self as I was the same back then). At my first wedding I did a speech – no way were my father, the groom and the best man going to hog all the limelight.

And I love visiting historic places, especially museums and galleries. When I lived in London I worked at the V&A Museum for a few years on a part-time basis on their education programme because I adore that museum so much. To me, the idea of taking groups around and talking about the paintings/sculptures/whatever and answering everyone’s questions is so appealing and I’d totally love it. I’d get to see all the artworks I want, I’d get to stand up and talk to everyone and I’m charge of a group of people. I have no shame in admitting that that’s so… me.

 

Your turn – what would YOUR fantasy job(s) be – and why? Tell us in the comments…!

 

Thanks for reading xoxo

Catherine signature

 

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21 Comments

  1. 27 August 2023 / 8:21 am

    Well there are a few fantasy roles I’ve had…..the first ever gold medallist for the UK gymnastics team was one; forensic anthropologist was another, and psychiatrist in a secure facility is another….!! Fun post, thanks for sharing at #WowOnWednesday x

    • Catherine
      Author
      31 August 2023 / 4:18 pm

      Wow Gail that’s some fabulous jobs right there: I take it you were into gymnastics when you were younger, and that couldn’t be more different to being a psychiatrist in a secure facility!! I can see you doing that…!

  2. 24 August 2023 / 3:34 pm

    Oh that reel of you af a Zoo keeper is wonderful! I would cry to, but any animal does that to me actually. But what a fun experience. And yes, true crime, murder, serial killer’s, totally my thing! Can’t get enough of the Crime museum in Hastings!

    • Catherine
      Author
      25 August 2023 / 2:35 pm

      So glad you loved the giraffe reel, Nancy! It was an amazing day ♥️

      Sounds like I now need to check out the Crime Museum – I reckon that’d be RIGHT up my street!!

  3. 24 August 2023 / 3:02 pm

    A teacher? Never dreamed – but I would think teens would LOVE you! I don’t think you’d have to train much to be a museum docent – you’d learn their collection and it’s context very quickly, and volunteering is a great way to start! As far as casting, PLEASE tell me you’ve read The Thursday Murder Club series, and what British actors you’d cast in all the roles of the movie Steven Spielberg is actually making?!?!? Worse than parents dying is when the DOG ALWAYS DIES at the end of dog movies. This sh*t started with Old Yeller, and only gets worse…
    Fantasy jobs for me? Pastry chef, movie production location coordinator, fashion stylist (actually considering training for this when I retire), landscape architect, zookeeper, equine acupuncturist (they really do exist, I promise). OK, back to my Real Job…

    • Catherine
      Author
      25 August 2023 / 2:31 pm

      I was only a few years older than the kids I taught, MK (they were 16-18, I was only 22-24) – I think I wasn’t mature enough and didn’t really see myself as from a different generation to them so that’s probably why I wasn’t a very good teacher!!

      Before I worked at the V&A (which was more like volunteering as the hours were ad hoc, but it was paid) I volunteered at Apsley House in London which is the home to the Duke of Wellington (the current one AND the first one – the one that defeated Napolean). I love being in the environment of a gallery or museum – sadly I don’t live anywhere near one that’d be practical for me to get to anymore. But I still visit them when I can.

      Funny story about The Thursday Murder Club – my mum had asked me to pick up some books for her to read while I was out charity shop shopping and I picked up TTMC for her… when I gave it to her she said she’d already read it – BUT DIDN’T LIKE IT?! And nor did her friend who’d lent it to her?! I was so surprised as I’d heard nothing but good things about it. Anyway I’ve got it now, it’s in my pile of reading books which I will, eventually, work my way through – I’m certain I’ll be picking out my cast for that, need to make sure I read it before the movie cast is selected for real though!

      Thank you for the lovely comment, and please don’t mention about the doggos again, I can’t handle dogs getting hurt in movies!!!!!!!! No that’s tooooo sadddddd 🙁

  4. Jo
    24 August 2023 / 1:45 pm

    Love the collage that heads the column! Happy to see more of those.
    Meanwhile I would want to be a location finder for tv directors. One day you could be checking out a stately home, next day an alley for a murder scene, then a suburban house for some kind of drama. All that snooping. Wonderful!
    Not surprised you used to be a teacher. Yours is, without question, the best written blog I follow. Thank you.

    • Catherine
      Author
      25 August 2023 / 2:21 pm

      Thank you – I’ve used that style of collage for quite a while now for my posts, glad you like it!

      And YES to looking for filming locations, I think I’d love that too. I’m a nosey parker too so that’s right up my street as well.

      And thank you for the lovely compliment, I’m so glad you love the blog – that’s made my day! Much love x

  5. Lynn Jones
    23 August 2023 / 10:29 pm

    “…have to train for many years…”

    Nah. Just start a new site called Murder She Blogged, and within a few weeks, every event you’re invited to, you’ll be solving a murder. Funny thing is, everyone will think this perfectly fine! 😉

    The Giraffe reel! How fab is that! What a treat.

    Oh, fantasy job? Good question. Hmm. Possibly something creative with others. Maybe a script writing gig? Just ideas, improv, etc though. Not the hard graft, thanks.

    • Catherine
      Author
      25 August 2023 / 2:19 pm

      Lynn that’s such a great idea for a new blog – and HELL YEAH to attending events where we solve murders (not real ones, I hope 😉 )!

      I’ve always fancied myself as a scriptwriter too, I’m always thinking “this would be a brilliant plot for a film…”!!

      • Lynn Jones
        26 August 2023 / 1:56 pm

        Ha ha! 🙂

        Hmmm… What if you wrote a blog as if your character was working in styling & influencing, and solving a crime? They say to write about what you know! 🙂 Would that let you dip a toe in the water around writing?

  6. Sarah Clarke
    23 August 2023 / 8:40 pm

    I can definitely relate to the vintage shop owner! But I would also have trouble parting with the treasures…

    • Catherine
      Author
      23 August 2023 / 9:05 pm

      I think I’d do that as a fantasy job just so I can style it all nicely and sit looking at it all day – not to actually make money, Sarah… sounds like you’d be the same!!

  7. Claire Worman
    23 August 2023 / 8:08 pm

    Great read as always, Catherine & such fun! I always wanted to be a vet & was convinced I’d be brilliant at it, as I LOVE animals. 2 problems with this:

    1. I was rubbish at science (& maths) both needed to even consider vet school
    2. I couldn’t bear to put them to sleep.

    I don’t know what my dream job would be now; I always think I can do better than the kids on The Apprentice, so maybe some sort of Entrepreneur!!

    • Catherine
      Author
      23 August 2023 / 8:36 pm

      Oh gosh I’m exactly the same about being a vet on ALL those accounts, Claire – I too was terrible at all the sciences and I’m also a crier when it comes to children and animals being hurt or unhappy… I absolutely can’t bear it 🙁

      But I did consider including running an animal rescue centre, you don’t then have to be good at science to do the vet stuff and hopefully it’s mostly feel-good stuff when you make the animals happy and give them good homes! I follow quite a few animal rescue centres on Instagram and it’s so lovely seeing cows, donkeys, horses, ducks, goats, pigs, etc. etc. living their best lives. Fills my heart with joy ♥️

  8. Sanja
    23 August 2023 / 7:41 pm

    Gosh this made me laugh, the vintage shop owner in particular… same here. I would never make any money!,,

    • Catherine
      Author
      23 August 2023 / 8:31 pm

      Hehe not just me then, Sanja…?!! Honestly I don’t think I could bear to part with the stuff, I just want to, sort of, have it around – I’m sure that makes sense to you!

  9. Holly
    23 August 2023 / 6:11 pm

    This was such a great blog! You had me smiling & laughing the whole time.

    • Catherine
      Author
      23 August 2023 / 8:30 pm

      Holly thank you, I’m so glad! I always love writing these listicle posts 😉

  10. Lise
    23 August 2023 / 5:19 pm

    Interestingly I have some cross over with you. IRL a Personnel Recruitment Consultant, but always loved the idea of being a Forensic Detective. Also have a fantasy of my own curated 2nd clothing store. Giraffe Keeper sounds like a cool job.

    • Catherine
      Author
      23 August 2023 / 5:26 pm

      Oh wow that’s interesting Lise… I did think about forensics but tbh I don’t think I’d be that good with icky stuff(!) so I’d leave that bit to you and then I’d piece the clues together. And you can curate the clothing and I’ll curate the homewares. Dream team!! 😀

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