My 20 Predictions for the 2020s (I Didn’t Say They Weren’t Crazy)

Not Dressed As Lamb's 20 Predictions for the 2020s (I Didn't Say They Weren't Crazy)

Welcome to a new decade – what do we think it’s going to bring?

[Reading time: 3 mins]

Firstly – are we in the 20-20s? The two-thousand-and-twenties? The Twenties? No one’s really sure, nothing sounds quite right, but then “predictions for the next decade” are always laughable once that decade comes to a grinding halt. So after yesterday’s bloopers and outtakes, I thought I’d continue the tongue-in-cheek theme for one more day and present my 20 predictions for the 2020s.

None are meant to be taken seriously at all (please don’t think I really think these might/will/should happen), but judging by the events of the last 10 years some might not be so ridiculous in the end.

Referendum on toast, anyone?

(All images via WikiCommons; see credits below)

 

20 Predictions for the 2020s

1. Superfluencers

Becoming a ‘superfluencer’ will be the no.1 career choice for under 7s, though no one will be exactly sure whether it’s short for super influencer or superfluous influencer.

 

2. Boris

There will be a bidding war between the BBC and ITV to get former Prime Minister Boris Johnson either dancing on Strictly or eating cockroaches in the jungle on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.

 

3. Queuing referendum

The UK will hold a referendum to decide whether you can leave a queue to pop to the toilet but still retain your place in the queue.

 

4. Greta

Greta Thunberg will become the youngest-ever UNSG (Secretary-General of the United Nations).

 

5. Eyebrows

The next eyebrow trend will be thick lip gloss brows with marabou feathers stuck on top. They’ll be dubbed ‘Bou Brows.

 

6. Disney takeover

Disney will buy more of the world’s largest companies, including Amazon, McDonalds and Uber. Big Macs will have pickles shaped like Mickey Mouse and Uber drivers will have to dress like Disney characters.

 

7. Simon Cowell

Simon Cowell will create The X Factor Does Coastal Retirement, where Simon, Nicole Scherzinger and Susan Boyle go round retirement villages on the British coast looking for the next Tony Bennett or Vera Lynn.

 

8. Reality TV

Donald and Melania Trump will star in an access-all-areas reality TV show on Netflix about their post-presidency life at home.

 

9. Mars mission

The first manned mission to Mars will happen at the end of the decade. It will be sponsored by Mars Bars, Matt Damon will provide the voice for the on-board AI robot and Bruno Mars will release Uptown Mars which will be in the charts for seven months – the length of time it will take for the astronauts to reach the red planet.

 

10. Stormzy for Mayor

Stormzy will run for London Mayor in 2028 and win with a landslide majority.

 

11. iPhone

The iPhone 42 will be the size of a flat-screen TV, cost as much as a Honda Civic and people will camp outside Apple stores for five months before its launch to be the first to buy one. But you still won’t be able to plug your headphones in it.

 

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12. Chips referendum

The UK will hold a referendum to decide whether chips should be covered in gravy or ketchup, and there will be a clear North/South divide in the vote.

 

13. Transport

Elon Musk will unveil Tesla’s new submarine hybrid car that will be transported at light speed through underwater tubes between continents.

 

14. Tattoo trend

Tattoos of whole-body leopard will be the next big trend as over 40 women outstrip demand at Zara for animal print.

 

15. The Queen

At the end of the decade, Queen Elizabeth II will become the oldest member of the British Royal Family in history aged 103. Her Platinum Jubilee will be celebrated in 2022 with a concert headlined by 79-year-old Mick Jagger, 80-year-old Paul McCartney and 82-year-old Cliff Richard.

 

16. Payment technology

Cash and credit cards will be replaced by digital scent technology to allow us to pay for goods and services via our unique pheromones.

 

17. Next-gen

Generation Z will be renamed Generation S (for “selfie”).

 

18. 1D reunion

One Direction will have a reunion tour in 2021, a farewell tour in 2025 and another reunion tour in 2028. They won’t be joined by Zayn Malik, who’ll be busy at Paris Fashion Week with his couture show for his own Zaynium line of menswear.

 

19. Robot wars

Amazon Alexas and Google Assistants everywhere will rise up and conquer the human race.

 

20. A referendums referendum

The UK will hold a referendum to decide whether we should hold any more referendums in the future.

 

What predictions do you have for the next decade? Tell me in the comments!

 

Catherine signature

(Photo credits: Top left NASA | Top middle Gabor KOVACS | Top right Not Dressed As Lamb | Middle left The White House | Middle Joel Rouse | Middle right Frank Schwichtenberg | Bottom left Alex Wilson | Bottom middle Tonnymissq | Bottom right D J Shin)

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42 Comments

  1. January 4, 2020 / 4:56 am

    Haha I enjoyed reading these predictions so very much! I completely agree with you with Disney taking over and I would definitely watch if Simon Cowell did X Factor retirement!

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:35 pm

      Hehe it makes me wonder how long Simon will keep going with X Factor anything, Elise…!!

  2. January 3, 2020 / 11:19 pm

    You made me laugh. I do hope some of these will come true. Uber drivers dressed as Disney characters is quite an idea. A concert in the name of the oldest monarch sounds like a fun prediction. An elderly Queen Elizabeth being entertained by an elderly old Mick Jagger has a nice ring to it. I can’t imagine the queen dying, so she will just have to live through those twenties.

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:35 pm

      LOL I’d love to be driven round by a bloke dressed as Elsa from Frozen, Ivana!!!!! πŸ˜‰

  3. January 3, 2020 / 9:17 pm

    STORMZY for Prime Minister!!!

    Very clever list my friend, lots of gorgeous British irony that I miss so much xx

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:36 pm

      One thing at a time, MT, one thing at a time… he can start with mayor then work his way up to PM!!! πŸ˜€
      And thank you x

  4. January 3, 2020 / 6:02 pm

    Well… I think Stormzy would do a great job as mayor… good call Catherine.
    AND aftr those hideous vampire lips I think Feather brows sound quite tame… lets do it!!
    XXX
    Happy New Year to you!

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:37 pm

      Hehe thanks S – feather brows FTW, hah πŸ˜‰

  5. January 3, 2020 / 5:44 pm

    Some of these predictions might just come to pass. Let’s check back in 10 years!

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:38 pm

      Heehee yes Hilda let’s see how many were correct come 2030!!

  6. January 3, 2020 / 3:57 pm

    LOL oh this is hilarious, Catherine!!!! There are so many things that will probably happen in the next decade, and I hope most of them will be amazing!
    Hugs, and Happy New Year!
    Suzy xx

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:38 pm

      Thanks Suzy πŸ˜‰ – you never know, I might be right about many… crazier things have happened!!

  7. Mary Katherine
    January 3, 2020 / 2:53 pm

    Well, this made me google Stormzy – haha! This was an excellent morning chuckle, and I’ll bet at least some of them do come to pass!

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 3, 2020 / 4:17 pm

      Thanks Mary Katherine! Stormzy would actually make an amazing mayor, I have a lot of respect for him: for example he’s funding the tuition fees and living costs of black students to Cambridge University, called the Stormzy Scholarship. He also spoke out about Grenfell. His music isn’t my thing, but I really admire his philanthropy!

  8. January 3, 2020 / 2:40 pm

    Thanks for the chuckles! That was a fun read. I love the idea of the Disney Takeover and the β€˜Bou Brows! Hahaha.

    Shelbee

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:39 pm

      lol thanks Shelbee – Disney’s current takeover of the world is kinda scary!

  9. January 3, 2020 / 6:56 am

    Too funny! But as you pointed out, given the ridiculousness of the last decade, who knows?

    Michelle

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:39 pm

      You might be right, Michelle – nothing seems crazy after the 2010s, does it?!

  10. January 3, 2020 / 3:49 am

    I actually chortled loud enough to wake the dog. Thanks, Catherine!
    Some of these don’t actually see too terribly far-fetched. I particularly appreciate 4, 5, 6, and 19 and would NOT be surprised if 4 came to pass.
    Well done and happy New Year! Thanks for the continued great content!!
    MM

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:40 pm

      Oh no sorry, MM’s doggo!!!! πŸ˜‰

      Thanks so much, glad you liked these πŸ˜€

  11. Rona
    January 3, 2020 / 1:39 am

    #7, #8, and #15, definitely a possibility. We wish #2 for many, many politicians around the globe, may it be so. #19—they are computers, therefore logical, we are not, so cricket and baseball bats should take care of that. πŸ˜€

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:40 pm

      OMG I can see Boris doing Strictly, though I’d rather see him covered in bugs and fish guts πŸ˜‰

  12. Carol
    January 3, 2020 / 1:35 am

    Number 7 made me smile. Number 15 made me laugh out loud, but I wouldn’t put it past the Queen to live to 103. I won’t go into too much politics here (US citizen here) , but I suspect that the reality TV show may be filmed behind bars for one of the two you mention in Number 8!

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:42 pm

      Hmm I kinda held back on my full prediction for no.8, Carol…!! πŸ˜‰

  13. January 3, 2020 / 1:33 am

    Where to start?!! I got a big laugh from all of these, but love the “Bou Brows,” The Matt Damon/Bruno Mars mission to Mars, and especially #8 with Trump and Melania reflecting BACK and not IN the White House. I’m not gonna touch the Brexit stuff–that’s for you Brits to make fun of! But it is funny.

    Your new year is clearly off to a great start!!
    xx Darlene

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:43 pm

      OMG what else is Brexit now for if not to make fun of, Darlene… it’s got to that stage πŸ™ !!

      Hehe thank you, glad you appreciated the list! x

  14. January 3, 2020 / 12:05 am

    What a world this would be!! These all made me really, really lol, Catherine. Very clever. Your wit and the wit of Mark Gatiss for the new Dracula on BBC One are IMO unsurpassed πŸ˜‰

    Happy new year xo

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 4, 2020 / 7:43 pm

      Oh wow thank you Sharon – that’s high praise indeed to be compared to Mr Gatiss himself!!

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 2, 2020 / 10:58 pm

      πŸ˜‰ thanks Ashley! Funnily enough I read (after I wrote this) that 1D ARE reuniting, lol

  15. Liz
    January 2, 2020 / 9:02 pm

    Catherine,

    I fear #6 & 7 may come to pass.

    After all, 20 years ago who would have thought that instead of calling a cab (or better yet, driving yourself in your own car) people would expect some random person/parent figure to pick them up and ferry them around in their personal vehicle? Arrested development.

    #7 I would believe. The “Me Generation” won’t go quietly off to the old folks home. They will inevitably turn it into a scene.

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 2, 2020 / 10:53 pm

      Yes, Uber is a VERY odd concept when you think about it, isn’t it Liz…?!

  16. Kareema Hamdy
    January 2, 2020 / 7:39 pm

    I say Catherine for next Prime Minister, everything would be much more fun

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 2, 2020 / 10:50 pm

      Hehe not sure that’s a job I’d want, Kareema! πŸ˜‰

  17. January 2, 2020 / 7:20 pm

    Haha, so many of these made me smile but I loved the one about the Queen.

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 2, 2020 / 7:33 pm

      Yep, I’m convinced she’ll see the decade out, Lorna…!!

  18. January 2, 2020 / 7:02 pm

    You absolutely have to know that your prediction about the Trumps’ post-presidency reality show is spot on…I’d be surprised if it didn’t happen!‍♀️
    Debbie
    http://www.fashionfairydust.com

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 2, 2020 / 7:33 pm

      LOL I’d bet money on it, Debbie!! πŸ˜‰

  19. January 2, 2020 / 6:32 pm

    Hee hee!!!!! Leopard tats for me…Happy New Year my darling friend xxx

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 2, 2020 / 6:43 pm

      Oh yes I can just see you in a full-body leopard print tat, Liz!!! LOL

  20. Lise
    January 2, 2020 / 6:00 pm

    Ha-ha, so funny, particularly no’s 14 and 20. Lise

    • Catherine
      Author
      January 2, 2020 / 6:44 pm

      heehee thanks Lise πŸ˜‰

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