And how they can often make you stronger… You’ve just got to get through the damn things in the first place which is never, ever easy.
[Trigger warning: This post, or pages it links to, contains information about mental health which may be triggering to some.]
The brief conversation I had with Sam (not their real name, and who shall remain genderless) is something I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about all week – it really, really upset me when I heard what they’d been going through. Although we haven’t seen other for years, we have known each other for over 25 years and keep in touch sporadically.
Basically I messaged Sam this week for a particular reason (not relevant to the topic in hand). As you do, I asked the How are you, hope life’s treating you well question, only to find out that Sam has basically been having the sh*ttiest time of late. It seems that everything that could be going wrong in someone’s life has been going wrong for Sam: Job, money, health, relationship, you name it. And they sounded incredibly unhappy, something I’ve never, ever known them to be.
Finding that out from someone you’ve known for so long makes you feel so helpless. It makes you think you’ve not been a good friend and wonder why you didn’t know this already. But as I’m sure many of you find, it’s hard to keep up with all your friends all of the time. Life just gets in the way of that text or that Facebook message which takes just 10 seconds to write (or even better, that phone call)… A lame excuse, but one I’m sure you’re all familiar with.
Anyway – the only consolation I could give in our brief conversation (as so often happens you can never catch them at a time when they’ve nothing to do except sit around and reply to messages – who has that sort of time anyway?) was that things do, and CAN change. I doubt that there isn’t one person reading this who hasn’t gone through a severely sh*tty time in their life, and some more than others – to the extent that we wonder how they ever got through it.
I know people like that in life: Those who’ve gone through the absolute worst that life could throw at them, but that came out the other side happy, successful, even just smiling. Unfortunately I’ve also known those that couldn’t – and very sadly didn’t – get through it. Whilst I personally haven’t ever experienced anything truly, truly awful (to the point where life just doesn’t seem worth living), I wanted to share with you some of the things that have happened in my life that are considered failures. Things like…
The point of talking about all these “failures” is that now, with hindsight, I can look back and see that without all these things happening to me I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Whilst there are lots of things I want to change and “would if I could”, I know that these things have, for the most part, made me a better person.
Want to know how I learned from all those failures in my life?
So there you have it – all the failures in my life have ultimately resulted in good things happening. Therefore (and this is the key thing to remember) THEY ARE NOT ACTUALLY FAILURES AT ALL. Sure, if I could wave a magic wand I wouldn’t want to go through them again, but some (like the first failed marriage ultimately leading to my second) are no-brainers… I’d go through them a hundred times if I knew what they’d lead to eventually.
So my friend Sam won’t be reading this I’m sure, but rest assured they are in my thoughts and I hope to god that my words (albeit a quick message about knowing a little about what they’d gone through and how I’m always available to talk to) had some impact. I really hope they hang on in there and that good things come their way.
Silver linings? Yeah, I believe in those. They just don’t come along without said cloud coming along and dumping their sh*t all over you first.
Whilst I’m no expert on depression, if you’re having the sh*ttiest time in life then please, please, please reach out to someone. Whether it be a close friend, a relative or a professional, please just reach out and ask for help. Things can – and will – get better, I promise you… Just please don’t try and get through it alone. There will always be someone who can help you.
If you or someone you know is affected by any of these issues, please seek help, or just talk to someone. If you are in the UK, call the Samaritans on 116123 or go to their website https://www.samaritans.org. As their website says, Talk to us any time you like, in your own way, and off the record – about whatever’s getting to you. You don’t have to be suicidal.
If you’re in the US call the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 1-800-273-8255 or the Crisis Test Line by texting HOME to 741741.
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