Why It’s Okay to Be Happy in Times of Crisis

Today I had to remind myself: It’s okay to be happy, even in times of crisis.

I had been wondering what to write for this weekend’s post because I scrapped the original idea I had. It seemed wrong to be writing about something frivolous right now. But then I realised that that, in itself, was wrong.

Let me tell you why, and unlike my usual promises of speed round here(!), I will be quick…

[Reading time: 3 mins]

The past few days and weeks have been nothing short of devastating where the news is concerned. I haven’t commented publicly about any of it. (We’ve discussed it plenty at home, and continue to do so.) But my platform is not the platform to discuss the events happening in the world, and I’m not the blogger to discuss them. It doesn’t mean my heart isn’t breaking at what I’m seeing on TV.

And it doesn’t mean that people I follow and writers I subscribe to should be expected to comment/condemn/wade in on the conversation either.

I’ve heard that many influencers and celebrities have been taken to task over not expressing their opinions via social media about what’s been happening in the news. Since when were they responsible for social commentary on political matters? I don’t open Instagram and scroll through expecting my favourite actor/singer/blogger to have made a statement about the Middle East. Someone I’ve followed on Instagram for years (who has half a million followers) had to post a video the other day to defend herself against all those who’d criticised her for not coming out with some sort of statement about the situation. Er, what?!

So with all that in mind, I felt uneasy about what I’d already started writing about for my next post. Would I be criticised for writing about something fun, something trivial?

Last Friday (the 13th, what a lovely stroke of non-luck) for me was a particularly unpleasant day. Nothing traumatic, just a long list of things going wrong or bad that made me thoroughly fed up:

It was the first anniversary of my mother-in-law’s passing
I found out the second hedgehog I’d found wandering outside during the day (many hogs live in our garden) and taken to the rescue centre also – like the first – didn’t make it
Two separate cars in two separate incidents very nearly crashed into me (neither my fault), causing potential road rage
I had an admin nightmare with the blog and worked out that two things going wrong would now cost me extra money to fix them
A well-paying, regular (twice monthly) writing job I’d literally just secured had gone down the pan because the company had decided to close that part of the online business, meaning the guaranteed income I was so relieved to be getting wasn’t going to materialise
Keith came home and said that he too had had a terrible day at work.

And as I listed all those things in a Whatsapp chat with friends, I said “Okay it’s bad but at least my family and friends are safe and none of our lives are in danger.” I felt I had to say that in case I came across as unfeeling considering the news.

This is the thing: ALL feelings are valid. One friend quite rightly said this to me:

“Don’t feel bad about feeling shit. You can feel shit but also know that terrible things are happening to innocent people. The two aren’t connected.”

She’s 100% right because I KNOW this. I know that someone’s feelings should never be criticised just because “someone else has it worse”. There will ALWAYS be someone who has it worse. So to invalidate someone’s feelings by stating they should buck up and get on with it because someone else is having a harder time than them is unkind and cruel.

I’ve noticed men are VERY good at doing this on social media and in the media generally (though I’m not that surprised). I was listening to a radio phone-in this summer that had callers discussing the cost of living crisis and how they were struggling to feed or clothe their kids; one man phoned in to say “They’re not being bombed like in Ukraine so they should stop exaggerating about how bad things are for them. It’s not a crisis.”

As I’m sure you can imagine I was beyond angry.

I’d never invalidate someone else’s feelings like that, so I mustn’t beat myself up about having those feelings myself.

It’s okay to be happy

Bringing it around to happier thoughts… in the opposite vein, it’s also okay to have a GOOD day. And a week later, this Friday, was a good day. Nothing terrible happened [to me or my loved ones], Keith didn’t have a terrible day at work. The sun came out for a bit and it was pretty mild. I tidied the house and got lots of writing and admin done. We ate great food together this evening and then continued to watch the Beckham documentary on Netflix which was excellent. I got a new haircut this week and am still loving it.

For all of this and for everything that I have, I am ETERNALLY grateful. To know that my family are safe whilst at the same time recognising that the world seems to be going to shit (today’s news also had reports about people in Scotland and the north of England losing their lives in Storm Babet) is a reason to be happy and grateful at the same time as hurting for those elsewhere.

Sadly, tragic and horrific things are always going to happen. But it’s important to recognise that your own life is sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes a breeze and sometimes really f***ing difficult. And sometimes it’s brilliant for us when for others it’s not – and vice versa.

And all of those things are okay.

I hope you have a safe and happy weekend x