Translation: “I say, would you be so kind as to pass me my mug, please? Thank you ever so much, old chap.”
Partners of menopausal and perimenopausal women everywhere, I salute you. If you’ve managed to crack the language of Vocabulary Breakdown Brought On By Menopausal Brain Fog (VBBOBMBF for short, or maybe not that short) – one that is undoubtedly unique to her and her alone – then you’re a master of menopause management. An MMM. An Eminemanem.
Keith has yet to grasp the menopause language I’ve inadvertently created over the past year or so. It’s a language unto itself, one that I don’t fully understand myself despite its creator being yours truly.
One must understand that alternative descriptions for everyday things have to be made up of just 50 percent of my vocabulary, because, like the last crumbs of my glorious birthday cake last year, the other 50 percent disappeared sometime in the afternoon of the day I became a quinquagenarian.
(Bet you’ve not heard THAT word before. Goes to show that fancy schmancy words are still intact within my brain; bland, everyday words… er, not so much.)
[Reading time: 4 mins]
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Now, I’m not treating brain fog as a joke – nor, indeed, am I treating any perimenopausal or menopausal symptom as one. Although not an official medical term [pffft…], brain fog can be extremely debilitating. As so many midlife women are often at the top of their careers, dealing with kids growing up or leaving the nest, looking after elderly parents, having relationship issues, suffering from numerous age-related health problems, etc. etc., then brain fog on top of all that is the LAST thing they need.
A lack of ability to think clearly, feeling like your brain is full of cotton wool, frequent headaches, feeling spaced out, cloudy thinking… if you’re dealing with anything like this then it’s most likely what’s described as brain fog. It’s rough, and for me, it makes me feel a bit stupid when I can’t string a sentence together.
I cannot for the LIFE of me complete a sentence during a normal conversation with someone. Half of it involves me getting frustrated with how I cannot remember the most basic of er… what are they called again? Letter alphabet things you speak, you know…
Words. 😉
If you haven’t already seen your doctor about brain fog or any other out-of-the-ordinary symptoms – or anything else to do with (peri)menopause, book an appointment now. And as I always say, do not let yourself be fobbed off by anyone. Get a second opinion or ask to switch doctors.
And do a lot of reading up on the subject. Highly recommended: Menopausing by Davina McCall which I have read, and The Definitive Guide to the Perimenopause and Menopause by Dr Louise Newson which I want to read as I follow her on Instagram and she’s brilliant.
Having said all that, there comes a point where you have to make light of things like brain fog… I have to, otherwise I couldn’t cope. I still have to see the humour even in bad situations. For example, I have so many body parts that hurt or give me pain that one day recently Keith said to me, “Is there any part of you that DOESN’T hurt?” – and if I couldn’t laugh at that, what could I laugh at?!
So here we have eight alternative words for everyday things that I’ve come up with recently. They weren’t the first, and they most certainly won’t be the last…!
AKA: The Oven. Ahhh, such a short, simple word. Oven. Yet it’s so hard to remember, probably because it’s SO tiny it’s easily lost in my perimenopausal brain. Yes, I think I’ve found the medical reason for forgetting words as a perimenopausal woman: they’re just too damn small.
If I can’t read it without my glasses on, it’s not coming to mind.
AKA: A Mug. See opening paragraph. I’m rather liking this one, and I think I shall permanently adopt it for when I want a cup of tea in an exceptionally large mug.
“I’ll have a drink bucket of tea, please.”
AKA: The Dishwasher. Domestic appliances are something I regularly struggle with. You’d think this one was a bit easier as “dishwasher” is quite a satisfying word to say (say it with an exaggerated faux French accent and you’ll see what I mean). However, perimenopause does not allow satisfying anything, oh no. We’re women, so of course it has to be hard.
As a side note, I’ve always struggled with the expression “tumble drier”, I don’t know why. It always comes out as… you guessed it… dishwasher. Go figure.
AKA: Trees. Another super-short word, but my brain has to create a song and dance when talking about these sorts of things, so why use one word when you can use five?
AKA: Socks. This is very much like the way that the German language describes things, i.e. quite literally. Socks ARE foot clothes, are they not? I love the German word for gloves, handschuhe; literal translation: hand shoes. It’d be interesting to know if many German women lose vocabulary during perimenopause as so many German words are just literal descriptions of things. I think they have an unfair advantage.
AKA: The Bedspread. I think we were making (stripping) the bed one weekend and I asked where the… the… hot sleeping cover was. My actual words may have been, “Where’s the bloody THING, you know, the big THING [cue blank looks from Keith], the, the, HOT – SLEEPING – COVER?!” And I can’t see anything wrong with that whatsoever.
AKA: The Fan. Again, the shortest words are the hardest to remember. My vocabulary might now be a bit like the Hawaiian language, which only uses 13 letters. And F, A and N may now be excluded from my own personal alphabet, which will change each and every day, of course. It’s a theory.
AKA: Nail Polish Remover. HOW on earth I’m meant to remember “nail polish remover” with perimenopausal brain fog is anybody’s guess: that’s far too long and far too much information to retain. I have no hope in hell of trying to remember that/those sort of word(s) for something; how about we mash it to make a portmanteau… Napor? Naiporem? The irony is I’ll probably retain those stupid names for it now but still not remember its correct name. =Sigh=
Thanks for reading,
P.S. No post on Wednesday, I’ll be back here in a week… I’m going to North Devon (Ilfracombe) for a short break. It looks like lots of walking in hot weather!
Linking up to… Monday: Stylish Monday (second Monday of the month), Inspire Me Monday, My Glittery Heart, On Mondays We Link Up || Tuesday: Style With a Smile, Trend Spin/Walking in Memphis in High Heels, Turning Heads Tuesday, Confident Twosday, Happy Now Blog Link Up || Wednesday: WowOnWednesday || Thursday: Chic & Stylish, Ageless Style Linkup (third Thursday of the month), || Friday: Neverending Style, Fancy Friday, On the Edge
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