You What Now? I Have No Idea What These 10 Modern Things Are

Back in about 2010 or so, Keith and I were watching an episode of The Xtra Factor. The presenter said something about You can tweet us at blah blah blah – and use the hashtag blah blah. Er, hashtag WHAT now?

I can remember turning to Keith and saying, What the hell IS a hashtag? Do YOU know?

It was met with a blank stare and shrugged shoulders. Neither of us had a clue what “using a hashtag” meant.

Of course, as time went on we more than learned what a hashtag was… and now can’t imagine not knowing what a hashtag is, or life without them. Heck, we even use hashtags in conversation, because, you know, Hashtag #LivingMyBestLife. Because, er, Hashtag #FOMO!

[Reading time: 6 mins]

There ALWAYS seems to be a constant stream of cultural, social or economic things that I’m clueless about (I know that makes me sound like an old person, lol). And with such rapid technological advancements and the invasion of social media into our homes (and pockets/palms) and endless information online these days, it seems there’ll always be things we’re in the dark about.

But I beg of you, pleeeease tell me I’m not the only one who doesn’t know what the following things are…

What are these 10 modern things (because I have absolutely no idea)?

Bitcoin

Honestly, I don’t know WHAT Bitcoin is, HOW it works, or WHAT it’s for. Currency I think, because of the “coin” part. That’s just about all I could tell you. And it’s maybe… an online currency? Is it something to do with shares…? I don’t know anyone who uses it, I’ve never heard anyone say anything about having used it, and I never heard anything on the news or similar about it being launched or it being the next big thing or anything. It was just sort of… there one day. And eventually I thought to myself, what IS Bitcoin, exactly? Do I need it? Will it affect my life? What’s wrong with just using PayPal, isn’t that the same?

Matcha tea

Matcha tea has probably been around for ages. But what the hell IS it, exactly? Is matcha a special blend (like Earl Grey or English Breakfast) or is it the way it’s made? How many ways can you make tea with matcha? Isn’t matcha tea a powder? And if so, what is the powder made from – is it ground-up tea leaves? Do you add it to other foods (like smoothies) or do you just stir it into hot water (like you would with granulated coffee) to make a brew?

And also, even more confusing: bubble tea. I mean, what? What are the bubbles made from? Do they stay as bubbles in your tea or do they dissolve? Why do we need bubbles? Or is it not actual bubbles at all but just the name for a blend of tea, or the way it’s made (is it cold)?

So many questions.

Taylor Swift songs

Okay, so of course I know who Taylor Swift is; I haven’t been living under that big a rock for the last 20 years. But there’s always so much hype around Taylor Swift’s songs and when she’s on tour (I’m very confused about this voucher thing for getting tickets? You have to do what now?), and it bemuses me because I try to think of just ONE Taylor Swift song, and… I can’t. I think there’s one I might recognise – something about, er, and it goes, er… tell you what, you play it and I’ll tell you if I’ve heard it.

And I’ll go, Yep, that’s Taylor Swift. Ummm, well I think it is…

Baby shark

I know it’s followed by, do do do, do do, do do do do… or something. So – is baby shark a TV show? Is it a song? Is it a toy? All of the above? I know it must be a kid’s thing, but the only time I’ve ever seen or heard it referred to is when someone says something about a shark and someone chimes in with Baby shark, do do do do do. I would like it known that I obviously do not know my “dos” from my “doo doos” and in what order/quantity they come. That’s all I DOO know.

ChatGPT

I only heard of ChatGPT for the first time a few months ago, and I think it’s something to do with AI. So I’m guessing it’s an AI WhatsApp (from the “chat” bit)? Does it generate conversations or something on your behalf or do we have chats with robots that are generated by AI, in which case: what for? Half the time I can’t think of reasons for people to need stuff like this [I live a sheltered life…], so I can never wrap my head around why they were invented/created or for what purpose.

So my guess is AI chat stuff – but why?

Every nominee at The Brits

Honestly, if I ever catch a bit of The Brits on TV I swear that I HAVE, indeed, been living under a rock for god-knows how many years. It’s where I go full “parent mode” without actually being a parent because I’ll watch it and go, Who? Who is that? Who are they? I’ve never heard of them. Or them. Best single? I’ve never heard it in my life. Who’s presenting the award? Never heard of them either.

The irony of not having kids is that I essentially become my mother during anything to do with modern music, as I (well, Keith too, let’s not forget him “doing a dad”) am constantly asking WHO?? with every nomination that’s announced. We have more access to more music at the touch of our fingertips than we could ever have imagined when WE were kids, yet here I am, not having heard pretty much anything that was released this century. With the great exception of Harry Styles, of course.

Roblox

So this, I presume, is a kid’s thing. Is it played online? Is it a video game, or maybe a TV show? I’ve no idea. It sounds like a modern-day equivalent of Tetris or the Sims to me (not that I really understood what Sims were, either), but I don’t have a clue. When someone says “Roblox” my head brings up images of those little Playmobil people but in electronic version… I’m not basing that on anything apart from images I’ve maybe seen online, you understand.

Most inventions these days are given a portmanteau word mashup, so I guess Rob-lox is… robot bollocks?! (I’m seriously laughing at my own joke there.)

Keto diet

As someone who doesn’t “do” diets – meaning specific ones with names – this is the one I still don’t understand anything about. I knew Atkins was the all-meat and dairy, no carbs one (I think) and the cabbage diet was self-explanatory, but Keto… I dunno. I can’t think what it might be: maybe something to do with eating a lot of berries, like the caveman diet? Or is Keto the proper name for the caveman diet? Or eating foods that use kinetic energy perhaps (that’s just because it starts with “K”, now I’m clutching at straws) – it wouldn’t be the first ridiculous basis for a diet. Or is it more about when you eat and in certain quantities?

I’m clueless.

Venmo

Now this… I keep hearing Venmo being mentioned, but it’s the one thing on this list that I don’t even know what realm it comes under. It could be an AI thing. It could be a diet. It could be a social media platform. It could be a dating app. It could be… what? What is it? Is it something to do with work (meaning employment), like Zoom? I keep getting it mixed up with Vimeo, which I do know is a video-sharing service, like an artisan YouTube. Or is Venmo a TV streaming service? There are millions of those so it could be that.

I’m 100% in the dark with this one. Not a scooby.

4K

I had to add this one on the end because those of you who’ve ever watched Celebrity Juice in the UK will know that the presenter Keith Lemon says [in the show’s titles], What the fork is 4K, anyway? – so whenever Keith (that’s my husband Keith, oh god this is gonna get confusing) and I see anything to do with 4K, we always say What the fork is 4K, anyway? in a Leeds accent*.

*That’s Keith Lemon’s accent, not husband Keith’s accent. Husband Keith has got nothing but dulcet Sarf London tones all the way. The two accents sound nothing like each other.

And to be honest, I really DON’T know what tf 4K is (anyway). I’m presuming it’s better than HD-quality stuff, meaning the format things have been filmed in. I thought that HD was “the best”, but maybe 4K is better? If it is, then what’s the 4? What does the “K” stand for?

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These things I DO know (now)

I thought I should add a few other things that I’ve become acquainted with over the years. When these things were first around I was really clueless about what they were or what they did, or who they were… why does no one ever “announce” this stuff? Why are they just in everyday usage/language/situations without anyone ever saying “Here’s a new thing and it’s really great and here’s what it is/does/is for”?

Whyyyy 😩

Things I didn’t know for AGES what they were (but do now):

Hashtags. See opening paragraph.

Flossing. The dance move, not the dental procedure. See also: dabbing.

The Jonas Brothers. They were just everywhere all at once, and I had no clue what they were famous for. Actors? Singers? Actually, maybe I still don’t really know.

Zoom calls. It wasn’t till the pandemic that I really found out.

Hey Duggee. Having now seen it with my 15-month-old great-nephew, I know what Hey Duggee is. And I get the hype.

MP3 player. Now we’re going back… I was still in “CD Walkman” stage when I found out. If anyone under 25 is reading this (or have I grossly underestimated that age), they’re now probably wondering what the hell an MP3 is.

MB. GB. Terrabytes(?!). Bytes in general. Still not sure of their quantity though: “It’s got 32GB of storage!” Me: “Er… is that a lot?” (You could say 3 or you could say 300 to me, I don’t know how much is a lot and how much is a little.) But I do know it’s memory storage. Or something.

Do I NEED to know what the 10 things are?

So, should I go ahead and find out what the 10 things I listed are? Or should I forge on in blissful ignorance, never knowing if matcha tea is better than my favourite green jasmine or what baby shark actually is and whether he/she/it will earworm me do-do death?

There’s no need to give me any explanations in the comments; however, I might look these things up one day if there’s a reason to and I just can’t go on living not knowing what they are. In the meantime I’m quite enjoying my joyous naivety 😉

Do you also not know what some of these things are? Any of your own “stuff you don’t know what it is”?

[Please note I’m shamefully aware of the appalling grammar of both of those sentences. The title of this blog post bestowed a grammatical nightmare upon me.]

Share your own naiveties with me in the comments, go go go…!

Thanks for reading xoxo

P.S. The lead image used is purely for illustration, not literal: I know that’s not a shark in the image and I know I haven’t included a girl blowing bubblegum and floating away in the list as something I don’t understand. It just looks fun, ’tis all.

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